A Lesbian Session Report!: Mage Knight, The Reconnaissance

Hi everybody, we are a pair of geeky gay gamers from Aussieland, and today we have for you the first of our Speedy Session Reports for your general viewing.

It all started one quiet morning when the girlfriend and I received a mysterious package.

Me:  That’s odd. We didn’t order any mysterious packages. They must have delivered this mysterious package to the wrong place.
GF: SUPER WIDE GRIN
Me: … You know what’s in this package don’t you?
GF: SUPER WIDE GRIN
Me: It’s a Board Game, isn’t it?
But my girlfriend was no longer in the room, and echoing down the corridor were the suspicious sounds of bubble wrap being chewed, crushed and ripped into a million pieces.
And so it happened that the girlfriend and I played Mage Knight.

Nothing like a brand spanking new MK game, with no missing bits!

Why is it that battling the shrink wrapped card
and tokens in MK makes you feel like you're
doing your best chipmunk impersonation?

1. Setting Up
   
   GF:  Don’t use the scissors on that! You’ll damage the cards!
   (30 minutes of battling shrink wrap later)
   Me: Can you get me something from the kitchen?
   GF: Sure
   (CUTTING SOUNDS)
   GF: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
   ME: Can we play now?
   
   
2. Why You Don’t Skim the Rule Book
   
   Me: What does this funny roman-statue-like thing on this enemy token mean?
   GF: Maybe it’s a super-good looking enemy.
   Me: Well, we are in a strange fantasy world. Snakes-for-hair could be the rockin’ look. Oh well, I guess I’ll attack.
   (10 minutes of battle later)
   GF:  PARALYSIS.
   Me: What?
   RIP PEASANTS
   Oh well, if it wasn’t the medusa it would have been malnutrition.  

3. The Girlfriend Is Infinitely Moar Awesome than Me
   
   GF: And then I use the green mana from mana gain to activate Concentration which I use on Improvisation for 7 attack, killing the second creature in the spawning ground, and gaining my reward! I also level up.
   (I think for ten minutes)
   Me: I MOVE ONE SPACE! 
   GF: You move one space?
   Me: That’s all I can move.
   GF: That’s it? That’s your turn?
   Me: I’m in a desert.
   GF:  WHYAREYOUINTHEDESERTINTHEDAYTIME?
   Me: I just explored and I got here.
   GF: SIGH…never playing co-op with you….(solo-play, my one true love)

4. The Game Gets Really Big
   
   GF: Can we move your bed?
   Me: No, we’re not moving the bed. Just imagine these two tiles are connected.
   GF: Aw….
   …..
   …..Can we move your desk? (Or to a bigger place?)

5. The Final Exciting Moments!
   
   GF: I explore!
   Oh look, a city.
   Well… I guess we won then….
   Me: Yep, I guess we did.
   (A moment to embrace our sensational heroic breathtaking victory.)
   GF: We should play a scenario with a better win condition next time…
   Me: YES WE SHOULD.(Still, it was an excellent beginner scenario, especially since in the beginning we could not even work out how to move!)

6. Packing up
   
   GF: WAAAAAAAIT DON’T PUT THOSE IN THAT BAG
   ME: Why not?
   GF: WHY NOT?!?!?
   ME: Why not?
   GF: DID YOU COUNT THEM TO MAKE SURE THERE WAS 16?
   Me:….. No.
   GF: THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALL THERE?
   Me: Uh….where else would they go?
   GF: DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIZE OF THIS GAME. I demand a full  inventory count.
   (And it was true, the entire room was covered in cards, and the spell offer was lined up along the windowsill.
   
   All in all, I reckon it was one awesome first time play of Mage Knight!
   Look out for a review coming soon (after five billion more plays) 

Our Heroic Triumph - Finding the City